Speak as you find.I have written this article for one reason and one reason alone. To give people to an unbiased account of a sequence of events in my life that resulted in me making an educated decision.
I was born in the south of England in 1966. The town I lived in had a high mixed race population. My Mother and Father were both white and English.
My Mother always bought me up to speak as I find, and that it was wrong to be prejudice. My Dad was a bit more to the right and on occasions quoted the words of Enoch Powell. However he to would always say to me "Son, everyone is different. You should speak as you find".
Although I tried to do this I started to ask my parents questions by the time I was about 10. Why were the bully’s at school black, or whites that hung round with them? Why do the Asians in the shops speak in a different language so we can’t understand then speak English perfectly to tell us how much to pay? Why are they so rude and never say please or thank you? I was always told that they were just bad individuals and had nothing to do with race, colour or creed.
When I was eleven I was coming home one day from school with a friend and we went into a corner shop to buy some sweets. As I went to leave the Asian woman from behind the counter grabbed my arm and told me she wanted to check my pockets. I was scared as she rummaged through my coat. She pulled out a packet of chewing gum and slapped my face twice screaming thief! I tried to explain that I had got the gum from another shop but she was shaking me shouting that the white boy is a thief and she was calling the police. I had done nothing wrong, and I was scared. I ran for the door and she grabbed my hood on my coat ripping it. She pulled me back again slapping my face. With that my friend burst back in the shop giving Nazi salutes and shouting to get off me. He told the woman all his family were National Front and would all come down if she didn’t let me go. To my amazement the woman did, and she looked scared screaming for us to get out. I never told my mum and dad, as I was scared they would not believe me. I did however want to know more about this National Front thing. I left it a couple of days and then asked my parents. They went mad, saying they were bad, evil people and I must stay away. They said they were Nazi’s and were horrible to coloured people. I was now totally confused. This Asian had attacked me, every other Asian had been rude and unfriendly and all the blacks seemed to go round in gangs and bully people. Yet this National Front group were supposed to be the bad people.
I started asking my friend questions and he would explain that I was right and that my parents were not wrong, they were just too nice and did not understand that the immigrants were ruining the country. He was always polite to my parents and never said a word.
Now all through my life my parents had been very friendly with a black family down the road called Cliff and Doreen. Every Christmas day from as far back as I can remember we would go round and Mum and Dad would have a few drinks. The year before my Dad passed away they moved back to Barbados. Shortly after the move Doreen died, and I remember Mum and Dad being really upset when they received the letter. They stayed in contact with Cliff, writing regularly.
When I was 19 my Dad passed away which really devastated me. He had Cancer and made me promise to look after mum as I was going to be the man of the house. However shortly after my Dad died my mum received a letter from Cliff. I remember her calling me and asking me to come over.
She showed me the letter and started to cry. The letter said very plainly that he had been attracted to my Mum for years and he wanted her to sell up and move to Barbados to become his wife. My mum said that she felt betrayed and all the times he was being nice to my Dad he was secretly lusting over my mum. She had thought he was a really good friend. She asked me what to do and I told her. Write back and tell him he is scum and never to write again. Yet all this did was confirm my thoughts. I was seeing more and more white single mothers with half-breed babies. I said this to my Mother, yet still she stuck up for the blacks, saying she had made a bad call but I should treat everyone individually and speak as I find.
Just over a year later I had just got back from a friends funeral. I was out of cigarettes and fancied a walk to clear my head of the day’s events. As I walked to the shops I saw 3 black males coming towards me. They passed me no problem and then started shouting abuse. I ignored it so they ran back to me and jumped on me. I was then kicked unconscious. Nothing was taken and all the comments were aimed at the colour of my skin. I had been left for dead for being white.
After that event I changed dramatically. My mother said I changed for the worse, but I say I was starting to become enlightened. I had been training in traditional martial arts and kickboxing for 9 years now and realised that it was useless. These scum relied on no rules, installing fear and zero honour or respect. I changed all my training to deal with nothing else but the streetfight.
I was offered a position as a doorman and that is what I ended up doing up until March this year. As well as running a Self Defence and Security Consultancy all round the country.
About 9 years ago I was put in charge of minding an 18-year-old Saudi Arabian Muslim Sheiks son. The attitude of this Arab made me sick. He openly admitted that when he was in Geneva he was chatting up a white girl who was only 15. When the girls teacher came out from the school and told him to get off the schools land he ran him over then reversed but the man was dragged clear just in time. As this guy had a Diplomatic passport all they could do was deport him. This was the same guy that would start a fight for fun in a nightclub and then buy his way out of the problem. He would call the doormen his Bitches. He said that he could sleep with whatever white women he wanted as everyone has a price. He bought all his Arab friends gifts and rooms at an exclusive health farm and then when his father questioned his account he blamed me. Luckily the white health club staff backed me and I was able to prove my innocence.
During my career I have seen many, many horrific things while working in the Door industry.
Out of all the incidents I was involved in. I can honestly say that 80 percent of all the serious violence was done by non-whites, predominantly blacks. Including knives and bottles being pulled, and even a gun on one occasion.
Non-whites did all sexual assaults during my entire time in the job.
Approx’ 75 percent of all drug dealing was done by blacks, and 100 percent at the under 18 nights that I worked.
Yet not once out of all my time in the job have the police taken action against a non-white.
Yet I can think of many incidents that were often less serious done by whites all of which were prosecuted.
Every time there were problems it would be if a venue had a high non-white customer base.
Although I do bits of consultancy work, I have now retired from the door. As it is quoted "When I looked into the abyss, I saw not only real beasts but the beast in myself. "He, who fights with monsters, should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."
I was becoming as evil as the people I hated. Even my wife started hating what I had turned in to.
To summarize I can honestly say to my wonderful parents that I love them dearly and I hope to see them again one day in our fathers kingdom. I thank them for everything they have done for me. However I feel that I can fully justify saying that I feel that I am now "speaking as I have found". In my 38 years on Gods earth no non-white has proved to be any different from another.
No white has forced, coerced or advised me to take the white only path. The non-whites did it all themselves.
©2005